Well, it's been a rather blah day and my blogging this post seems to be the only good aspect of it. Things cannot go the same way all the time, I tell myself. But it's been the same way, every single time! Yes, a student's worst nightmare indeed. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, and I shall not refer to it by its name. I'm weirdly superstitious and I think by calling it what it is, I become jinxed. Stupid, I know.
I originally titled this 'Eight Fears', as part of the 10 Day 'You' Challenge, and then decided it was too mundane. In the unlikely event that you are curious, please read on.
True to the intent of the challenge, I hereby unleash the 'horrors within' me:
1) The aforementioned nightmare. I have anyway polambified to Amma, as usual. More than the event, I'm worried about the aftermath, I think. How it will affect everything. I often imagine that because of this, everything around me collapses like a stack of Dominoes. And the worst thing is, I keep thinking about it. It's like this invisible burden that is always there.
2) The future. Situations like the one described here lead me to worry about the future. Not exactly a fear, but a definite worry. And this leads me to a what-if hypothesis. Which leads me to further gloom.
3) Fear of disappointment. Very cliched, I agree. But it really hurts to disappoint Amma and Appa and numerous others who put their trust and hopes in me. I hope such a situation never comes. :(
4) Fear of spirits. Even today, talking about things like the Ouija Board and the Mohini pisasu* sends shivers down my spine. As a child, my holidays in Kerala, would often involve talks about things like this with my cousins, and I'd always be scared to go to a dark room later. One cousin, in particular, had this habit of yelling Nagavalli's dialogue, just so he could scare the wits out of me. Actually, it's still rather scary!
5) Fear of losing my hair. I know it sounds funny, but it isn't! Every time I run a comb through my not-so-lovely tresses, I see so much hair falling out- I could even make a wig if I begin to collect it, just like how Mammachi in Arundhati Roy's God of Small Things did. Oh well, it runs in the genes- Appa already has a shiny patch on the head, of which he is rather proud. A sign of being wise, he says. I think otherwise.
6) Now this is weird, but I sometimes fear not being able to take my lenses off. I have, on numerous occasions, dozed off, having forgotten to take the lenses off, and each time I wake to reality, I see my eyes as red as Nagavalli's. That being said, lenses are really inconvenient sometimes. Every time I'm running late for a class, the lens has a tiny bit of dust and I spend nearly ten minutes, jumping around and trying to wear it. I know, my sense of 'eyegiene' should improve. I'd go for glasses any day...if I weren't so vain.
7) Fear of being alone. Solitude is great, but not loneliness. Subtle line of difference. I'm terrified that one day I'll have nobody to turn to or talk to.
8) Fear of losing loved ones. To death. To dementia. To oblivion. I'm also scared that I lose them, simply by being too busy wrapped up in my own little bubble.
This is indeed a gloomy post. Matched my mood anyway. Now for the Mr Bean part of the post- I came across this and now, I cannot stop laughing! :D Mr Bean FTW!
P.S: Weirdly, I stopped worrying about fear 1, at least for some time. Note to self: Keep calm, and move on, Sruthi, just move on!
*A mohini pisasu is supposed to be a female ghost, often depicted on the silver screen, wearing a white sari. She makes her presence known by wearing anklets that jingle as she goes about searching for a victim.